Pastor Harmonious Joy stood before the giant gaudy gates guarding the overcompensatingly lavish mansion and rang the ostentatious bell next to it. Despite ringing within the mansion, he could hear the bell about fifty meters away, outside the gates. Clearly a conscious choice. He shook his head and wondered why they were targeting this moronic demographic in the first place. His eyes clouded over in remembrance as he pictured the stately halls he had visited during his past excursions, and the quality and class of the old money clients he had interacted with as he explained the benefits of the three-stage system to them.

His reverie was interrupted by a dignified sounding voice coming from the speaker next to the bell.

“Good sir, “it asked,” may I know your name and the reason for your arrival.”

If the pastor was a betting man, he would have bet all of his money on the voice belonging to one of those retro-butlers that were popular in the valley these days. In fact, he was indeed a betting man and he couldn’t help but feel disappointed that there was no-one around to take his bets.

The pastor waved at the camera hanging over the top of the wall and replied, “Good morning, my good sir! I am Pastor Harmonious Joy and I’m here to talk about what the Church of Monthly Redemption has to offer in these trying and uncertain times. If your master is available, I would like to discuss the various ways in which our church can serve his ecclesiastical needs. “

It was good to announce his clerical occupation upfront during such visits. Homeowners were generally wary of turning away such personages, even if they had already subscribed to a competing church. And as if on cue, the gate swung open and the butler spoke, “Please come in sir, my master will hear you. “

He ambled in, pretending to admire the magnificence of the abode and the surrounding grounds for the benefit of the cameras that were tracking his movement. He found the mansion distasteful of course, but there was nothing wrong with stoking the ego of an obviously vain individual. Once inside, he was directed towards the waiting room while the master of the house completed his previous engagements. He took this opportunity to chat up a nearby maid and get some information on the master of the house.

Another of the benefits of his office was the unconditional deference that the servant class paid him, enabling him to needle any information out of them. And despite their low stature, maids often knew more about the goings on within a household than many of the members of said household. Case in point, he learned from her that the master of the house had not yet been solicited to join a Premium Pastoral Service. This was a stroke of luck since over 60% of PPS members usually committed to the first service that was pitched to them. The owner of the house had likely not yet been pitched because he had only become eligible for PPS a month ago when a venture fund had invested in his startup, catapulting him over the minimum income requirement for such a premium clerical service.

Before he could inquire further, the butler came into the waiting room and asked him to follow. Pastor Joy walked past the cavernous drawing room and into a large stately, Victorian looking room and bowed to the figure sitting behind a large oak desk at the opposite end of the space. For the usual unknown reasons, California had recently been taken over by the Victorian aesthetic. This change had occurred after they had grown tired of the East Asian motif that had been all the rage just a few months ago. Luckily for the owner of the present mansion, the change had happened just in time for his new house to be decorated in the current temporarily fashionable antique style, giving him a few weeks of smug satisfaction at dinner parties until the rest of his peers were finished with their own redecorations.

The man himself was entirely typical for the region. He was nearing middle age and was going through the typical reverse aging process of someone who had just gained significant wealth. His considerable gut seems to have shrunk in comparison to his photos and his bald spots were in the process of seamlessly filling themselves in. No doubt all older photos of him were being furiously scrubbed from the internet. This was good news of course; this mark would be easy to sell to.

He started with a simple exchange of mundane pleasantries, followed by a few neutral compliments about the house. Then he began his assault,

“As you know, I’m here on behalf of the Church of Monthly Redemption. Our church sends out its pastors, such as myself, to preach the good word to honest, upstanding citizens such as yourself. But before that, may I ask if you are currently subscribed to any Premium Pastoral Service?”

“No”

Judging by the lack of hesitation or uncertainty in his response, the man clearly knew what a PPS was. But the pitch still required a foundation. The pastor began his pitch with the church’s background.

“Our church, the Church of Monthly Redemption that is, was founded in 2027 by our First Chief Pastor James Bright. Our dear father James looked at the world around him and noticed a lack of quality theological representation for the modern busy executive. He noticed that powerful and capable people such as yourself, were being constantly let down by the generic nature of their moral code. After all, powerful people such as yourself, who are directly and indirectly responsible for the actions and ideas of so many people, like your employees, dependents, imitators, etc, deserve a better quality of moral representation in this mortal plain. “

The man was listening intently and nodded along with an inflated sense of self-importance. The pastor gently passed over a pamphlet containing more details about the founding of the church before continuing.

“To fix this injustice, our glorious father James envisioned a system designed specifically to guide executives to a better tomorrow. After all, you are already burdened by your fiscal responsibilities, so why shouldn’t someone shoulder your theological responsibilities. It is with this desire that our father James created the Church of Monthly Redemption. To allow you to enjoy your earthly delights, while we work to secure your heavenly seat. “

The man looked suitably impressed by the pastor’s grandiloquent tone. The pastor continued,

“When you subscribe to our Faith Plus plan, you are guaranteed your peace of mind. For you can be sure that no matter what problems of morality you are faced with, the church has a solution. Now, you may ask, how does the church handle my theological responsibilities. Well, we use our patented three-stage system of clerical protection to guide you and your loved ones through this mortal plane while protecting you from the stink of evil. The three stages being, Birth^TM, Life^TM and Intermission^TM. Our church has formulated and tested the best methods to guide a penitent through each of these stages while maintaining their moral superiority. I shall go further into detail of course, but here’s a pamphlet with related information if you’re interested. Please keep in mind that these pamphlets will dissolve after an hour. In case you have any more questions, you can call me on my personal number anytime you want. After all, our church can guarantee 99.95% service availability to our premium customers at all times.”

“Now, for a more detailed explanation of our three-stage system. Beginning, as with all things, with Birth^TM. Of course, we handle the usual formalities such as baptisms and naming, but as a premium subscriber, you get access to so much more. Firstly, every new-born premium membership child gets automatic citizenship to our holy state, Argentum. “

The holy state of Argentum was in reality, a 500 sq. feet office in a second-rate business complex in San Francisco. But, due to a legal loophole, it was allowed to be designated as a holy state, with its statehood recognized by most countries in the world. This allowed citizens of Argentum many legal benefits, including non-extraditable sanctuary in any of the member churches that had signed a location sharing agreement with the CMR. These affiliate locations, usually small local churches, acted like mini-embassies with all of the protections that entailed. This meant that in almost any place in the world, except some parts of the middle-east, no member of the CMR was more than an hour away from sanctuary within one of the many virtual hallowed lands rented by the church.

“Secondly, they get initiated into our Holy Order of Pastors, with their membership recorded permanently and securely using the Sanctochain_­^TM. To clarify, they are not obligated to become pastors when they grow older, but it does serve a useful purpose that I shall elaborate later. “

“Thirdly, we provide a variety of training services to the children of our premium members. For example, only children of premium members are allowed to conduct Sunday school sessions. This teaches them leadership skills early and usually gives them an advantage over their peers. In fact, our pre-school leadership program was voted the best in the nation. “

The man was a bachelor and was starting to get bored with the topic, so Joy decided to skip ahead.

“There are many more advantages of course, but to save your precious time, I’ll move on to the second stage of our program: Life^TM. “

He handed out another pamphlet. Later, he would get the man to sign an NDA to prevent him from divulging any of the details of their contract, especially to free-tier members, who simply refused to acknowledge the fact that their poverty meant they deserved less. But for now, these self-erasing pamphlets got the job done surprisingly well.

“Life, “he said grandiosely, “more precious than anything, and yet so troublesome and difficult to navigate. Well, not for someone with a premium membership with the Church of Monthly Redemption! With the help of our service, you can rest assured that you will come out the other side of the vicissitudes of life with your soul completely intact. “

“You see, a premium membership not only guides you unscathed through everyday life, but also gives you the freedom to make mistakes. We understand that enterprising individuals such as yourselves, who are always at the cutting edge of Human achievement, will inevitably end up making some mistakes. That is only natural of course; you are guiding humanity through the darkness after all. So why should you fear moral damnation when your only crime is working towards the betterment of humanity?”

“Well, you shouldn’t, and with the help of our premium service IndulgenX, you won’t! With IndulgenX, you can simply purchase a unique Indulgence token, again securely stored on the Sanctochain^TM, that allows you to atone for any accidental damages you may have caused. No longer will you have to worry about being judged in the kingdom of God, for when your actions are balanced in the cosmic ledger, they will be balanced out by the purifying power of IndulgenX. “

He finished with a flourish. This was always the most persuasive part of the pitch and usually, the deciding factor on whether or not the sale was made. And today’s pitch had been the best he had delivered in the last couple of years. He had felt the spirit flow through him as he delivered the sermon of the almighty IndulgenX. The client had listened intently during his explanation of IndulgenX and was clearly interested in the service. Now, he leaned forward and asked,

“And this service is free with a premium subscription?”

“Well, every subscription comes with one free Indulgence token per year, which can be carried forward to a maximum of 5 years post their vesting date. But, “he explained while wagging his index finger magnanimously, “members of our Premium Service can buy an unlimited number of Indulgence tokens at a reduced price.”
“Ah, so I don’t need a premium service to buy these tokens?”

“Not technically, no. But we don’t sell them to members without a premium subscription. These tokens are a powerful tool of divinity and we cannot simply sell them to non-vetted members. But since we have a higher level of trust and understanding with our premium members, we can allow them to buy these tokens. “

“Then, what’s the point of the discount,” asked the client confusedly.

“Well, you get greater value for your money. “

“Ohhk…”

“Furthermore,” interjected the pastor before the client could think about the discounts any further,” these tokens can be used by any member of your designated family. Each plan allows you to add 10 members to your family group for free, with provisions to buy more membership slots if the need arises. “

“Can I reuse any existing slots if I remove the attached family member from it?”

“No, because you see, the contract. What I mean to say is, the contract is eternal. So, once you become a premium member, you are accepted for life. “

“So, if I stop paying my dues, do I still get to remain a premium member for life? “

“Well in that case, you would be excommunicated. But not in the previous case for spiritual reasons. “

The customer was smarter than he had given him credit for. He had likely been playing dumb from the beginning. That would teach Joy to underestimate his mark. He would need to change the subject. Fortunately, he knew exactly what he needed to say to accomplish that.

“But we can discuss family later. After all, they’re not going anywhere, no matter how much you want them to, am I right? Let’s talk about how the church can help your business. Yes, the church not only strives for your moral prosperity, but your material wellbeing as well. Afterall, the fruits of God’s creations were put on this Earth for the faithful to enjoy. So, let’s talk about taxes, and how to reduce them! “

 This did the trick. It always did. The client started salivating slightly.

“There are mainly two ways in which our organization reduces the unholy burden of taxes on hard working entrepreneurs such as yourselves. Firstly, our church can store up to 100 million dollars in our cryptocurrency accounts per premium membership. Crucially, per individual premium membership, which means all members of your family sharing plan have their own individual 100 million limit. We charge a small fee of course, but that is negligible compared to the monstrous tax rates levied against good people whose only crimes are being hard-working and good at business. “

This got a sympathetic nod from the client.

“Secondly, we have the concept of pledges. A premium member of our organization with a privately or publicly owned business can contract the Church of Monthly Redemption as the business’ primary religious partner. This comes with a monthly processing charge of course, but as you will soon see, it is worth it. Signing on with the church in such a manner gives your organization the freedom to act according to the commandments of your Religious Service Provider. This means that in matters of public relations, you are only obligated to act according to what the CMR deems as moral behaviour. “

“One such example is charity. Now, the church itself donates much money to charitable causes. So, there should be no reason to expect much from businesses that are already paying the church, is there? Well, when you sign a contract with CMR, your business will be allowed to donate as little as 1% of your profits to charitable endeavours. Which is far less than the mandatory minimums enforced over the last decade by most world governments. And since you are still abiding by your moral obligations, as decided by the CMR, you cannot be legally punished for it. “

“This one benefit already saves you more money per month than the monthly charges set by the church. And by paying the monthly charge, you are allowing the CMR to donate to the most impactful causes using our proprietary Machine Learning donation algorithm. Our algorithm, Deus Ex^TM, uses the latest in language processing technology to find the best possible use for your money, multiplying the impact of every dollar donated by 3x compared to the industry benchmark. This oversized impact means that you as an individual don’t need to donate as much money to fulfil your moral obligation. “

Of course, the industry benchmark just happened to be based on the performance of some really corrupt third-world charities which often tended to steal eighty percent of the donations for themselves, but the client did not need to know that. Still, technically speaking, the Deus Ex^TM algorithm did create three times the impact, even though all it did was pick random charities with no readily apparent logic behind the choice.

Nevertheless, the man had never looked more interested in what Joy had to say. Somehow, despite working in the same fields, tech entrepreneurs were always the most likely to believe tech bullshit. This was good for Joy as the client’s excitement would need to carry him through the next part of the pitch. The next part was usually boring for men in their late-thirties, who are just young enough to not have to seriously contemplate their own mortality.

“Lastly, we come to the Intermission^TM. As you may already know, death for a rich man is a far more troublesome and tiresome matter than it is for the common man. You have to get your considerable affairs in order while simultaneously dodging unholy instruments of blasphemy such as the estate tax or *spit*, the inheritance tax. “

He affected a highly disgusted expression which provoked an almost patriotically sympathetic response from the client. The pastor was surprised. Such old wealth sensibilities from one so clearly newly rich was heartwarming to witness.

“Well, worry not, for the CMR is YOUR friend! Our premium members have complimentary access to our Axel Bequeath Pro service. Axel Pro allows a premium member to bequeath most of their inheritance to the CMR. Don’t be alarmed, this is merely temporary and the rights will revert back, tax free, to the rightful heirs after a few years. Ahh, I know what you are thinking. How do you manage that?”

“Well, you bequeath as much of your liquid assets as you want to one of our member branches in our offshore island locations. Once bequeathed in such a manner, these assets cannot be taxed. However, when you bequeath your assets to the CMR, you can specify that the assets can only be used by the church if they are redeemed within a few years and for a specific purpose. Naturally, the CMR will fail to use these funds and the assets will therefore revert to your living heirs. Now, you may ask, wont those funds be taxed when they return to your heirs? No, they won’t! Because the laws of the island nation where our Axel branches are located specify that the funds must go to a local bank. And as you may already know, taxes in these shining beacons of enlightenment are gloriously low! “

The pastor felt uneasy. He had worked himself into such a righteous fervour while delivering the pitch that he was beginning to sound sarcastic. Or maybe he was actually being sarcastic, through some subconscious desire to distance himself from the pitch and its contents. It was hard to tell sometimes when he was delivering one of these pitches. Regardless, he would need to tone down his enthusiasm unless he wanted to offend the client.

“Of course, it may not be ideal for your purposes to store all of your liquid assets outside the country, but that is why we allow you to decide the quantity of assets you would like to transfer to the service. We would charge a nominal fee of course, but that is a pittance compared to what your heirs would save. “

Of course, the CMR also used these funds as capital for loans but there was no need to tell the client that. Besides, they usually managed to collect the principal before it became an issue.

The client spoke up,

“What guarantee do I get regarding the safety of assets? In other words, how do I know you won’t steal it? “

The pastor grumbled internally. No one who came from old money would ever have asked something so uncouth. But as he resignedly reminded himself, times changed and so must he. He smiled warmly and continued,

“Smart question, sir. I can see I’m dealing with a savvy customer. Well, rest assured, when you sign up for the Axel Pro service, secured once again by the Sanctochain^TM, you are guaranteed safety and peace of mind via the most airtight contract in existence. We understand the significance of this ask and have spent considerable time and effort into creating this most robust, righteous contract. In fact, it would not be too boastful of me to say that even the devil cowers in fear before our contracts. Incidentally, we also offer an insurance service to protect against the consequences of any soul-selling contract you may have, no doubt accidentally, signed with the devil. As for earthly proof, considering your stature, you probably work with a legal team that is already familiar with the CMR and its workings. If you need any further testimonials to our quality and capability, I’m sure your lawyers can attest to our contractual skills. “

“Now, there are many more minor benefits apart from the ones I’ve explained, but those are not significant enough to bore you with at this stage. What I can guarantee though, is that the CMR has a solution for all of your moral and mortal problems. Now that concludes my pitch, but please feel free to ask me any questions you may have regarding our services. “

He spent the next hour answering the client’s questions and getting him to sign the NDA. He even managed to sneak a blessing in there. When he left the property, he was optimistic about their chances of landing this client.

He was also tired. He had not expected to be this exhausted, this early. Joy still had one more client he needed to visit in this area. And since he was running behind on his quarterly targets, he didn’t have the luxury of postponing this second visit to the next day. Fortunately, the second client he would be meeting today was of the old money variety and was already a subscriber. The pastor was simply looking to upsell some of the new features introduced by the CMR in the last quarter. That usually didn’t take long.

The second mansion was some distance away, in an older, more established area. Mansions in this region were rarely bought or sold, being the exclusive property of old money families that had enough wealth to sustain generations of clingy relatives without anyone having to do any work. Even when one of these mansions did get sold, it usually required more than money to be bought. To own one of these mansions, you had to belong to rich blood. Which usually excluded people like his previous customer from being able to buy them, despite their wealth.

This time, he did not have to wait to be let in. He had been here before and was recognized. Walking towards the mansion’s door however, Joy realized that his task would be harder than he had anticipated. Although the mansion looked stately and pristine on the outside, his discerning gaze could see the reality that it was desperately trying to hide. Pastor Joy had visited many such mansions in his lifetime, and his trained eye could see the tendrils of decay clawing their way through the mansion’s facade. The grounds outside were trimmed uncharacteristically modestly and looked cheap in comparison to those outside the neighbouring houses. The fountain at the centre of the driveway had been switched off and was just a pool of stagnating water. There was also an uncharacteristic silence surrounding the mansion which was unheard of outside houses of that size. As if most of the help had been fired.

As he waited for the mansion doors to open, the pastor contemplated if the visit was even worth his time. But he was reassured a little when the doors opened to reveal the same butler that had let him in last time. If they could afford to keep the young butler around, then surely things were not too bad. Perhaps he was not too late and had arrived before things got too dire. With renewed hope and a smile on his face, the pastor bravely marched in to make a sale.

Mr. Mallard, the owner of the mansion, sat with his back to the door in his living room. The fireplace within the room was crackling with real burning wood, none of that e-fireplace bullshit that the recently wealthy were fond of. Thick curtains completely covered what looked like a large window that would normally let sunlight into the room. The light from the fire was the only source of illumination and it cast a warm but dim glow on the contents of the room, although it failed to reach its extreme corners. The wealth and class of the owners was on full display in the appointments of this room, and it further reassured the pastor that he was not too late. The client was smoking something but the pastor could not see what it was. Judging from the thick plumes of smoke emanating from the man’s head, he assumed it was a pipe and slowly made his way towards the client. He took the time to take in his surroundings and wash off the afterimages of his previous client’s gaudy taste in interior design by admiring the taste and sense of style that old money could buy. The client heard his footsteps as he got closer and grunted and motioned for him to take a seat next to him without turning around to look at him.

“A good day to you, sir. I must say, you look to be in better health every time I see you! “

This was a plumbline he used gauge the attitudes of some clients to see if they were disposed to appreciate flattery. He used it when he was uncertain of the client’s mood. And considering what he had seen outside the room, it was prudent to make sure that the client’s current money woes had not soured him too much before he attempted to make the sale. The client responded with a grunt that was neither flattered nor irritated. Joy found that annoying. Nevertheless, he started his attack.

Once again, he dispensed with the meaningless formality of exchanging pleasantries between two parties that knew exactly what the other wanted. The client had a decidedly haughtier and condescending expression on his face today. He knew what the pastor was here for, primarily because the pastor had been here for the same thing the last three times he had visited over the last decade. He knew that he was about to be sold something. And his expression tried to convey, albeit only implicitly in an attempt to maintain the illusion of dignity, that the pastor was undertaking a futile exercise.

But the pastor was not an easy customer. He had faced greater odds before. Once, he had actually managed to get a client to upgrade their plan on the same day they had declared their bankruptcy, a feat he continued to boast about at clerical meetings. Undaunted by the client’s cold demeanour, the pastor launched into the pitch.

“Now, you have been a member of our church for a very long time. In fact, we would consider you part of our family at the Church of Monthly Redemption. We have had many ups… great memories together in this great and fruitful relationship. Together we have achieved great material and ecclesiastical heights. Now, I know what you are thinking. Why is this man inexplicably repeating the obvious?”

He gave the client a coy look which the latter parried with a mildly irritated look. Unperturbed, the pastor continued the pitch.

“I say all this because what I am about to offer to you, will knock all of that earlier stuff out of the water. What I am offering you now, is not just a chance to be a member of the church, but to be a part of it. Allow me to introduce you to our latest and most exclusive level of membership. The Palladium tier!”

“Ahh, I can see how excited you are to hear about our latest offering! “

This was a lie.

“What is the Palladium tier, you ask? To put it simply, it is a way for some of our top members to own a part of the church itself. Members of the Palladium tier will have exclusive rights to privately buy shares of the church itself. “

He made it sound like that was by design, but he knew that the church really did not have a choice in who they sold the shares to. Although the upper management at the church had told them that the private nature of the stock sales was by design, the pastors had managed to weasel out the truth from some hapless assistant. The rumour was that the church had attempted to do an Initial Public Offering or an IPO, through which they hoped to sell off some of the shares of the organization to the general public in order to raise capital for their next stage of expansion. But they had been quickly shut down by the US government. After months of pointless and expensive lobbying, the management had decided to cut losses and pivot. Hence the private stock sale. But the decision had come quite late, and as a result, they were in desperate need of capital. To add to that fire, it also looked like the CMR would not be hitting its projected revenue for the current year. If they did miss the projections, this would mark the second consecutive year where the CMR had failed to deliver, making it extremely hard to sell its shares to people, especially rich people. The management, in the managerial way that was unique to them, had washed their hands off the mess by making it a sales problem. They had increased the quotas for the pastors and told them that they would not be getting their bonuses if they did not significantly increase their sales. This news had hit Joy especially hard. He was a gambling man and he really, really needed those bonuses. As a result, he had first increased the frequency with which he internally cursed management for their incompetence, and then widened his client pool to include unenthusiastic members like the present client in a desperate bid to hit his quota.

Before he could continue with his pitch, the butler re-entered the room bearing a tray with two glasses of brown liquid in it. The pastor could smell the liquid from nearly five feet away and could clearly tell that it was the good stuff. On paper, the CMR did prohibit consumption of alcohol by its pastors on moral grounds. In reality, this was just to prevent any pastor from accidentally divulging too much information to the clients while under the influence. At any rate, this rule was never really enforced and was more or less ignored after a few months of its implementation. The church had learned to turn a blind eye when it realized that drunk clients were far more likely to make mistakes than drunk pastors. Pastor Joy graciously accepted the offered glass and began to bless the drink.

“In the name of…”

“No, “interjected the client immediately, almost making the startled pastor spill the drink. “No need for a blessing this time, pastor. We can drink in peace. “

Pastor Joy smiled and graciously inclined his head in assent before taking a sip. Behind this pleasant façade however, he was furiously flinging curses at the quick client. Blessings were billable and gave a good commission per each blessing performed. He had hoped to pull one off but the client had successfully intercepted him. Cheap bastard!

“Well, like I was saying, direct ownership through the Palladium tier would be the perfect way to safeguard your assets. Apart from the regular benefits you get from your premium membership like access to IndulgenX and the Bequeath Pro service, you will be able to directly share in and enjoy the fruits of our expansion. Just over the last five years, our valuation has already quadrupled and will continue to grow as we reach out to new audiences. We have already started expanding into the fertile South-Asian ecosystem with our Divinity Lite^TM products and we expect significant growth from that sector. This rapid expansion was in part faci…”

Before he could finish, the client interrupted him with an imperious wave of his hand. Joy shut up and waited for the client to speak with a sycophantic smile on his face. The client exhaled the smoke from his pipe before speaking,

“What is this IndulgenX? Is that like the Indulgence Pro service you are already charging me for? “

“Ah, IndulgenX is simply the latest iteration of our Indulgence services sir. It has all of the existing features of the Indulgence Pro service with an even greater level of reliability and trust!”

“Ah, no doubt at a higher price, of course, “responded the client dryly.

“Oh no sir, the service costs exactly the same as your previous plan. We wouldn’t try to pull a fast one on someone as savvy as you sir! “

The client grunted in begrudging assent. Of course, the statement was not fully true. Although the service did cost exactly the same as before for existing customers, new customers still had to pay extra for what was essentially just a glorified name change.

“Anyway, “he continued, picking up the thread of his pitch from before the interruption, “the recent relaxation of regulations in South-Asia has really helped us quickly expand our Divinity Lite^TM service into that region. We are currently the number one provider of Premium Pastoral Services in the South-East Asian sector and we only expect our market domination to grow. By joining our Palladium tier and investing directly in the church, you would be partaking and reaping in the benefits of this righteous growth. “

The client remained mum and continued smoking his pipe. Joy realized that it was now time to talk numbers.

“Of course, due to the private and exclusive nature of buy-in, we have had to set some limits on the investment. To begin with, enrolling in the Palladium tier would require a sizeable gesture of faith, a minimum investment of ten million. This is just a precaution of course, merely to keep the investor pool exclusive. But considering our rate of growth, your only regret would be that you didn’t invest more. In fact, based on our growth trajectory, any investment now would likely double in value in just two years. “

As soon as the pastor finished, the client’s eyes twitched and he angrily puffed some smoke out of his mouth. Joy realized his mistake and fell silent. He was talking to a man who did not have two years, or ten million in spare cash. The situation must have been worse than he had anticipated, or maybe he was so blinded by his own desperation to make a sale that he had missed some obvious signs. For the first time since he had entered the fading house, he felt sorry for Mr. Mallard. Sure, he was probably a dick who had cheated his way to the top, with some help from the CMR of course, but bankruptcy was hard on everyone. Joy, as a result of his own habits, was himself close enough to the dreaded institution to sympathise with this erstwhile rich and powerful man. He felt a little ashamed.

But his hesitation attracted the attention of Mallard who turned his gaze towards Joy and saw, before Joy could respectfully hide this genuine emotion behind a sycophantic smile, pity in the pastor’s eyes. Nothing hurt wounded pride more than pity. Mr. Mallard’s eyes hardened and his shoulders went rigid. He angrily puffed out some more smoke before speaking, “I appreciate you and your organization’s concern for my well-being but I am not looking for any investment at the moment. You can leave the way you came. “

Pastor Joy had made enough difficult sales to recognize a futile situation when he saw one. He expressed his grief at not having been able to help the client, and after politely thanking the man for his time, he left the room, defeated. He quietly exited the mansion without paying attention to his surroundings, silently contemplating his own problems. He walked down the road adjacent to the mansion wondering how he could possibly fulfil his quota for the quarter. Then, in the distance, he saw a pub and decided to enlist the help of alcohol in solving his problems, or at the very least, forgetting them for a while.